June 26th, 2008
November 11th, 2007
- Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
- Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
- Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!
- Whistle the first seven notes of It's a Small World incessantly.
- Sell Girl Scout cookies.
- On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
- Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: Got enough air in there?
- Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
- Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
- When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
- Lean over to another passenger and whisper: Noogie patrol coming!
- Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
- Censored by your son.
- On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go plink at the bottom.
- Do Tai Chi exercises.
- Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: I've got new socks on!
- When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!
- Give religious tracts to each passenger.
- Meow occassionally.
- Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
- Frown and mutter gotta go, gotta go then sigh and say oops!
- Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
- Sing Mary had a little lamb while continually pushing buttons.
- Holler Chutes away! whenever the elevator descends.
- Walk on with a cooler that says human head on the side.
- Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce You're one of THEM! and move to the far corner of the elevator.
- Burp, and then say mmmm...tasty!
- Leave a box between the doors.
- Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
- Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers through it.
- Start a sing-along.
- When the elevator is silent, look around and ask is that your beeper?
- Play the harmonica.
- Shadow box.
- Say Ding! at each floor.
- Lean against the button panel.
- Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons.
- Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
- Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your personal space.
- Bring a chair along.
- Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: Wanna see wha in muh mouf?
- Blow spit bubbles.
- Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
- Announce in a demonic voice: I must find a more suitable host body.
- Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
- Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
- Wear X-Ray Specs and leer suggestively at other passengers.
- Stare at your thumb and say I think it's getting larger.
- If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler Bad touch!
October 16th, 2007
Okay I just bought the new cosmo and i'm flipping through and who's face should I see but the woman that gives all us single moms a bad name.... Britney F*ing Spears.
Apparently she has another fregrence coming out... cause three isnt enough to pay child support and alimony. So i'm thinking of skipping it but then I think back on my Curious and Cautious back home that I adore so I take a whiff and am bumbarded with forest soap smelling horror! I think i went blind from the horrible smelling concauction that she is trying to peddle to us women. It's not going to help pay the bills hunny.
September 19th, 2007
March 10th, 2007
March 3rd, 2007
February 12th, 2007
November 23rd, 2006
October 12th, 2006
-Have a passionate rain kiss
-Learn to tango, salsa, and all those other sexy dances
-Watch at least one of my great grandkids grow up
-Take a trip to europe
-Meet a really big actor/ actress (cough) Julian McMahon...
-See the Killers and Dashboard Confessional in concert together... and have really close seats (Or standing)
-Have a guy sing me a romantic sad song in public as an appology
-Hear background music play for my life events
-Go Sky diving at least once
-Have a book published
-Win the lottery, and give half to Bono for the fight against aids
-Drive a winston cup winning race car
-Have a private show with a great band
-Laugh in the face of all the bitches who have bothered me through my life
-Be on Nip/Tuck.... As a liked love intrest for Christian of course
-Throw a huge New Years bash
-Win a radio contest
And finally the last thing I would like to do before I die......
GET MY FREAKING MAIL SOMETIME TODAY!!!